Well-Intentioned Farts & Fartesses

Well-intentioned farts and fartesses are the good guys.

They’ve done everything and more for many years to persuade work-shy parasites, louts, villains, homicidal maniacs, juvenile snots and lawyers to observe the ground rules and conduct themselves in a reasonable manner.

Problem is, it ain’t working.

The reason it’s not working is, of course, because no self-respecting bad guy is going to risk loosing hard-won street cred by conducting himself in a ‘reasonable’ manner – or easily relinquish highly sought after tax-free welfare dependency status. Let’s face it. Bad guys are duty bound to be unreasonable. Boldly demonstrating their contempt for anybody incapable of filling their lives with fear, pain, terror or sudden death is a ‘right of passage’ thing for them.

So, what to do?

Personally, as a well-intentioned fart myself, I wouldn’t want to be party to any solution which might possibly upset anybody, especially the nation’s degenerates. Neither would any decent self-righteous hypocrite or pacifist with deeply held sanctity of life convictions, such as myself. We’re totally committed to a policy of persuading bad guys to become good guys by exposing them for ever-and-ever to us talking tough, commissioning regular public enquires and making sure taxpayers fork out £billions every year to feed, cloth and shelter each and every one of them. Remember, none of them are really ‘bad’ guys. They’re just good guys acting badly. And just think. Britain would cease to be regarded by the world’s sissies, wimps and losers as a ‘civilised’ society if we started to come down more heavily on these poor deluded creatures, some of whom might previously have had a very unhappy childhood.

But then, whilst idly leafing through my favourite copy of the bible (the 1984 International version) I spotted that quotation in Corinthians about “when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, but, when I became a man, I put childish ways behind me and actually started thinking about doing something useful to help decent hardworking folk” and I thought, Wow! Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe I should get a grip of myself and start taking a more grown-up Real Man view of what’s going on around me and what’s really got to be done to protect decent hardworking folk from work-shy parasites, louts, villains, homicidal maniacs, juvenile snots and lawyers.

So I have.

Now I’m busy attempting to persuade all well-intentioned self-righteous hypocrites and pacifists with deeply held sanctity of life convictions to get a grip of themselves; to start taking a more grown-up Real Man view of what’s going on around them and what they can do to help me transform Britain into a winner.