Speaking Nicely

The Lying Mad-Dog Media would have us believe that lack of social mobility is down to poor education, the decline of manufacturing and too many women hogging all the best jobs.

Bollocks! Truth is, the only thing stopping the working class from improving their lot is their aversion to speaking nicely.

Personally, I’m hugely attracted to the many and varied guttural hip-hop grunts, snorts and general bastardization of overseas and local dialects, faithfully emulated by all impressionable juvenile snots, which passes for communication between them. Problem is, no employer in their right mind is ever going to offer a decent administrative or executive job to some dickhead with attitude who is clearly incapable of stringing a few words together in a manner likely to be understood by clients, suppliers or colleagues.

Fact is, us working class folk don’t want to speak nicely. That’s what sissies and poofters do. Aspiring louts and villains hoping to achieve local role model status instinctively have long since learnt they just ain’t gonna instil fear and terror into crippled old ladies by talking nicely to them. That’s why nobody on the street is ever going to respect anybody with a posh voice and anyway, speaking nicely obviously ain’t that important. If it were, Secretary of State for Education Michael Gove or one of the many millions of Apathetic Arseholes busily contributing £billions every year to our education would surely have said something about it. Wouldn’t they?