Parents, teachers, children, our boys in blue and the public have all benefited hugely as a direct consequence of corporal punishment being abolished in 1987. Bollocks!

The Problem – It isn't possible for teachers to properly teach, or children to properly learn, in a classroom constantly disrupted by juvenile snots who know their rights – especially those who know that nobody in authority will dare touch them, or attempt to forcibly control them, for fear of being beaten to death or ending up in court with their careers put on hold or in shreds. All children are aware of the existence of this fear and, rightly so, despise adults and society at large for not having the good sense and sufficient resolve to put an end to this very expensive and sorry state of self-inflicted humiliation.

The Grumpy’s Solution – Immediately after seizing power we'll be introducing our slightly controversial new 'Whack a Munchkin' initiative which focuses on the real needs of our children rather than the selfish aspirations and loony ideas of politicians, educationalists, bureaucrats and idealists. Even the most dim-witted amongst the Apathetic Majority know that children want, need and expect caring parents, teachers and our boys in blue to introduce them to, and painfully reinforce, a set of reasonable ground rules they can readily understand and know must be obeyed. When they break those rules, as all good kids with an ounce of spirit in them will occasionally do, they expect a friendly whack or two. The Grumpies promise not to disappoint them.

Young rebels without a cause who consistently and wilfully break the ground rules will be removed to one of our ever-so-caring but totally merciless 'Whack a Munchkin' support facilities where they'll learn that Rights have to be earned and that the Rights of others have to be respected.

Ineffectual parents and teachers who have had the art of instilling fear, pain and terror into tiny tots and juvenile snots weaned out of them over the generations will attend an adult 'Whack a Munchkin' support facility. Here they'll either learn how to conduct themselves in a more responsible manner or be transferred to a 'Whack a Parent or Teacher' support facility.