PETER STOKES – LEADER OF THE GRUMPY OLD MEN AND WOMEN POLITICAL PARTY
Son of a Welsh coal hewer. Secondary Modern education. Print apprentice.
Volunteered to serve in Her Majesty's Regular Army where he was constantly involved in close-quarter combat, mostly in hostile NAAFI's throughout the Middle East. Subsequently held production, administrative, sales and marketing positions in several companies before becoming a One-Man Venture Capitalist. Co-founded, and was an Executive Director, lead trouble-shooter and shareholder in over seventy new companies throughout Britain, Ireland, France, North America and the Caribbean embracing property, antiques, insurance, security, debt-collection, data-capture, recruitment, publishing, the Internet and a raft of companies in the creative services sector. Author of the One-Man Venture Capitalist and the Alternative Career. Known internationally as the 'Brains' behind the London Manhattan Smelly Tramp Debt Collection Service.
Plays an awesome game of squash.
Volunteered to serve in Her Majesty's Regular Army where he was constantly involved in close-quarter combat, mostly in hostile NAAFI's throughout the Middle East. Subsequently held production, administrative, sales and marketing positions in several companies before becoming a One-Man Venture Capitalist. Co-founded, and was an Executive Director, lead trouble-shooter and shareholder in over seventy new companies throughout Britain, Ireland, France, North America and the Caribbean embracing property, antiques, insurance, security, debt-collection, data-capture, recruitment, publishing, the Internet and a raft of companies in the creative services sector. Author of the One-Man Venture Capitalist and the Alternative Career. Known internationally as the 'Brains' behind the London Manhattan Smelly Tramp Debt Collection Service.
Plays an awesome game of squash.
I blame the Apathetic Majority for everything.
Though capable of outstanding acts of courage, kindness and generosity the Apathetic Majority are, mostly, a shortsighted, ill-informed greed and envy-driven bunch that complain a lot but do little to help their lot. It was they who allowed overly sensitive farts and fartesses to gain the moral high ground where, encouraged by very greedy lawyers, they persuaded the more feeble-minded amongst us that Britain would be a far better place in which to live if only we abolished physical punishment and embraced a culture of political correctness, consumer indebtedness, human rights excesses and compensation – that monumentally profitable (for lawyers) but socially damaging USA marketing scam.
So we did. Big mistake. Britain hasn't become a far better place in which to live. Instead, it's buried itself in a rights-without-responsibility benefit-dependent culture that encourages sloth and stifles initiative. Our punishment free society has become a breeding ground for work-shy spongers, louts, villains, addicts, perverts, homicidal maniacs, juvenile snots and a lying mad-dog media, all of whom grow evermore obnoxious with each additional right, freedom and privilege bestowed upon them. They possess nil respect for authority and experience nothing but utter contempt or mild amusement at the sissy wrist-slapping efforts being made to get tough with them.
And the Apathetic Majority is allowing them to get away with it.
No problem. The Grumpies, a bold and innovative new breed of exceptionally good-looking men and women will, immediately after having seized power, swiftly resolve the nation's many and varied problems, right all wrongs and transform Britain into a winner. To facilitate this long overdue transformation we'll be launching our ever-so-caring but totally merciless new Attila-the-Hun style regime of fear, pain, terror, deprivation and death.
But first I have to awaken that Sleeping Giant, the Apathetic Majority, and make them aware they can now trumpet the full force of their collective views throughout the corridors of power simply by adding their names to the Grumpy petitions currently being featured on the Prime Minister's Number 10 Downing Street website.
Don't get me wrong. I don't particularly relish the prospect of having to spend my time running the country. As an irresponsible arsehole myself, I'd far rather somebody else assume responsibility for eliminating injustice and transforming Britain into a winner.
But who else has the vision or the balls to do it?
Peter Stokes, Leader of the Party
PS. I'd like to apologize in advance for the introduction of any slightly controversial new common sense initiatives which might inadvertently upset or prematurely extinguish the life of anybody totally obsessed with putting their own selfish interests before those of the nation.