Son of a Welsh coal hewer. Secondary Modern education. Print apprentice.
Volunteered to serve in Her Majesty’s Regular Army where he was constantly involved in close-quarter combat, mostly in hostile NAAFI’s throughout the Middle East. Subsequently held production, administrative, sales and marketing positions in several companies before morphing into a One-Man Venture Capitalist. Co-founded, and was an Executive Director, lead trouble-shooter and fifty percent shareholder in over seventy fledgling companies throughout Britain, Ireland, France, North America and the Caribbean embracing property, antiques, insurance, security, debt-collection, data-capture, recruitment, publishing, the Internet and a raft of companies in the creative services sector the second most successful of which was the Ken Stokes Business Forms Group, founded in 1974 off the back of a £20k loan and sold to Rockware Plc in 1987 for £22.5 million. Author of the One-Man Venture Capitalist and the Alternative Career. Known internationally as the ‘Brains’ behind the London Manhattan Smelly Tramp Debt Collection Service. Plays an awesome game of squash.

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The British public have long since been crying out for a highly principled leader prepared to put the needs of the nation before his own sanctimonious moral or religious convictions; a kindly leader who understands that one must sometimes be cruel to be kind; a fearless leader impervious to the threats of influential minority groups or the cringe-laden mewling and puking of politically correct sissies, wimps and losers; a winner with a winning track record who knows everything and more about how to get our business community (the nation’s job and wealth creators) back on track. They want (need) a leader capable of introducing an ever-so-caring but totally merciless regime of fear, pain, terror, deprivation and death dedicated to transforming work-shy louts, villains, juvenile snots and lawyers into model citizens. But most of all they crave a battle-scarred warrior-leader of truly heroic proportions they can implicitly trust, honour and obey – a born leader to whom they can pay homage who will, immediately after having seized power, swiftly resolve the nation’s many and varied problems, right all wrongs and transform Britain into a winner.

No problem. I’ve got it all.

It’s going to be easy for me because, unlike all other easily corruptible politicians, I can afford to wait until such time as the ideal conditions prevail (near economic collapse) before seizing power. Not for me all that expensive dashing about attempting to persuade everybody to accept my views/opinions. I don’t need to because I’ll be leading those (the majority) who already share them. But timing is everything. That’s why I’m constantly poised, ready for the off the instant every man Jack and Jackess in the nation rise up as one and rush, wild-eyed and slack-jawed to support me and my bold new Manifesto.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t particularly relish the prospect of having to spend my time running the country. As an irresponsible arsehole myself I’d much rather be lolling about quietly taking my ease or having a jolly good time mingling with the rich and famous at the taxpayer’s expense. Truth is, I’d be delighted if somebody else grabbed the helm from me and assumed responsibility for transforming Britain into a winner.

But who else has the vision or the balls to do it?

Peter Stokes, Leader of the Grumpy Old Men Political Party