Fat Cat Salaries

Head Hunters are primarily responsible for creating an unacceptably wide inequality pay gap.

I know. I used to be one of them.

My brief from major companies was to identify and poach top executives from amongst their competitors who were capable of helping them make more £millions (or stop losing more £millions). It was all very discreet. My clients didn’t want competitors or their own staff to know what they were up to. Unfortunately, the best prospects already had good jobs and weren’t about to leave unless somebody made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. So I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse.

Everybody was happy.

The appointee was happy because his new remuneration package made his previous one pale into insignificance. The directors were happy because the remuneration package (much bigger and better than theirs) was the key to the door of an exciting new game of catch-up. If the package set a new industry benchmark, all the directors in that particular industry would be happy as companies moved to match or exceed it in order to secure existing staff loyalty and commitment. And I was happy because my wedge was one third or more of the remuneration paid in the first year – which tended to drive the value of the final settlement up, rather than down. Even the companies anticipating the departure of one of their key executive were happy – after I’d made them aware I was ideally positioned to help them find a replacement they held in even higher esteem.

Business executives like Head Hunters. And why not? A few discreet meetings over a fine lunch is eminently preferable to the lengthy process normally endured when supervising the hurly burly of advertising, interviewing and selecting new staff. Even better, they can distance themselves from the many and varied human resources legislative pitfalls waiting to devour the incompetent. And the extra cost doesn’t come out of their own pockets.

The nation’s executive directors, answerable only to one another, are conducting themselves like greedy children let loose in a sweet shop. And now, if they can get away with it, less senior executives and managers in both the private and public sector are at it. Not convinced? Telephone you local council offices and ask if they recruit their own staff or pay a recruitment company to ‘handle’ it for them.

This continuing game of leapfrog is primarily responsible for creating the escalating inequality gap that exists between senior executives and normal working folk.

No problem. The Grumpy Team will cap salaries, bonuses and pensions of all big earners including footballers, pop stars, lawyers etc. The additional revenue stream will create additional opportunities for the nation’s deserving poor to lead a better, more rewarding life. Obviously, influential minority groups representing the interests of those most affected ain’t gonna like it. Nor will the politicians who depend upon them for votes and jobs (their jobs). They’ll tell us (again) nothing must be done to upset the nation’s fat cats because they and the companies that employ them will all up sticks and relocate. Britain would be reduced to third world country status.

Bollocks! Truth is, most Fat Cats wouldn’t or couldn’t leave our shores. We’d certainly offer incentives and disincentives to encourage them not to but, frankly, those who do decide to desert us in our hour of need are just the sort of people we’d want to go – and never see again. But Britain wouldn’t be treated like a leaper by big business or talented folk throughout the rest of the world. The reverse is true. There are millions of talented (and principled) people out there whose lives aren’t totally dominated by money. Many of them, including those running large companies, would give their right arm to be able to join Team Britain to help us fight the good fight for equality, justice and fair play.

Note: Many Fat Cats are glorified salesmen. Their remuneration packages are justified by the volume/value of sales they can persuade their old chums or family connections to steer their way, either in the form of individual contracts or by orchestrating the acquisition of whole companies (along with their sales ledgers). These guys can be worth their weight in gold. Don’t knock it. Who amongst us isn’t prepared to help friends or members of the family? Problem is, too many of these salesmen, and their bosses, are being paid well in excess of their weight in gold. That has to stop.