Capital Punishment
Some sensitive well-intentioned folk hold deep moral and ethical views/convictions about the sanctity of life. They consider the death penalty to be uncivilized and, because they’re well organised, well funded, dedicated to their cause and know what strings to pull, have succeeded in having the death penalty abolished. Now, nobody convicted of murder or excessive violence has to fear being put to death for their heinous crimes.
The Grumpy’s, naturally, respect everybody’s personal views/convictions. We don’t, however, feel anybody has the right to expect the cost related to the imposition of their personal views/convictions to be born by those who don’t share them. So, immediately after having seized power, we’re going to delight everybody, other than the legal profession, by introducing our slightly controversial new Save Britain’s Filthy Murdering Swine and Scum of the Earth Register. The Register will contain the names of all the sensitive well-intentioned folk who have volunteered to preserve the lives of the nation’s filthy murdering swine and scum of the earth. To ensure their names appear in the Register volunteers have merely to complete a simple form authorizing the Grumpy Team to periodically transfer unlimited sums of money from their personal bank account into the Grumpy’s totally non-transparent Lichtenstein-based Murdering Swine and Scum of the Earth escrow account.
Sensitive well-intentioned farts and fartesses featured in the Register will be absolutely delighted because they can claim for themselves the exclusive right and privilege of keeping thousands of filthy murdering swine and scum of the earth in comfort for the rest of their lives. Those not featured (the majority) will also be delighted because the £40,000 and more it costs annually to incarcerate each and every murderer won’t be coming out of their pockets.
It’s to be hoped the deeply held views/convictions of the well-intentioned don’t become any less deeply held when the Grumpy Team start parting them from their money. However, in the event insufficient funds are forthcoming from the sanctity of life lobby to maintain the handsome lifestyle filthy murdering swine and scum of the earth will undoubtedly demand, the Grumpy Team pledge to swiftly execute all of them in an ever-so-caring and environmentally friendly manner.
Note 1: Those who believe capital punishment won’t save lives are clearly unaware that the lives of 116 people were extinguished between 1963 and 2007 by murderers released from jail after having served their sentence (see Lords Hansard text for 18th June 2008). And that figure doesn’t include who knows how many additional murders they committed without being brought to justice. Fact is, executing murderers will ensure they never extinguish another life. It will also save the taxpayer £zillions and satisfy the majority of the public and the victim’s dependants who, rightly so, demand an eye for an eye.
Note 2: Those who worry that one or two innocent lives might possibly be lost each year if capital punishment was reintroduced might consider that the £40,000 it costs every year to accommodate a single murderer could be used to save 2000 innocent lives. (According to UNICEF, the lives of 3,000,000 innocent children will be lost every year to polio, measles, diphtheria, whooping cough, tuberculosis or tetanus for want of available vaccines costing £20).
