Benevolent dictators have gained an enviable reputation for getting things done quickly and cheaply. Truth is, a competent benevolent dictator with a bit of common sense could, in a trice, reduce the £trillions Britain currently owes simply by removing sanctimonious bleeding heart equality, diversity and human rights fuck-wets from the decision making process.

Benevolent dictators are also known to be very quick off the mark to identify and incarcerate, usually without time-wasting expensive trials, all those anarchistic scallywags bent upon impeding or undoing the very good works being done on behalf of all loyal citizens by an ever-so-caring benevolent dictator.

OK, so maybe once the novelty of doing good things and being benevolent all the time has worn off, dictators do tend to become somewhat less benevolent. Chances are, they’ll spend less time worrying about the socially challenged and more time living high off the hog, lining their own pockets with goodies and generally having a jolly good time all round. Even so, the Grumpy Team is persuaded that a benevolent dictatorship would be good for everybody in Team Britain, especially us. Apathetic Arseholers will be pleased because they won’t be called upon to vote once we’re firmly ensconced. Nor will anybody else.