Benevolent dictators have gained an enviable reputation for getting things done quickly and cheaply. Truth is, a competent benevolent dictator with a bit of common sense could, in a trice, reduce our national debt by £billions simply by removing sanctimonious bleeding heart equality, diversity and human rights fuck-wets from the decision making process.

Benevolent dictators are also known to be very quick off the mark to identify and incarcerate, usually without time-wasting expensive trials, all those anarchistic scallywags bent upon impeding or undoing all the very good works being done on behalf of all loyal citizens by an ever-so-caring benevolent dictator.

OK, so maybe once the novelty of doing good things and being benevolent all the time has worn off, some dictators can become somewhat less benevolent. Chances are, they’ll spend less time worrying about the socially challenged or what politically correct human rights fetishists have to say for themselves. They might devote even more time to living high off the hog, lining their own pockets with booty and generally having a jolly good time all round mingling with the rich and famous.

Even so, the Grumpy Team is persuaded that a benevolent dictatorship would be good for everybody in Team Britain, especially us. Apathetic Arseholers will be pleased because they won’t be called upon to vote once we’re firmly ensconced. Nor will anybody else.

Note: Idi Amin may not have been considered a benevolent dictator but a recent poll of the residents of Uganda revealed that most of the inhabitants considered virtually everything was better when he was in charge including all health, education, transport, water, electricity and road services.