The Grumpy’s Annual Cull

The Grumpy Team will, every year, identify and round up all known louts, villains, homicidal maniacs and juvenile snots over the age of four who have demonstrated a talent for upsetting decent hardworking folk. They’ll be whisked off to a politically incorrect subterranean Grumpy Grotto where they’ll be subjected to a short (or long) burst of our ever-so-caring but totally non-boring regime of fear, pain, terror, deprivation and death calculated to satisfy their natural craving for excitement and danger. No need for expensive and silly time-wasting legal procedures. Our Boys and Girls in Blue already know who the troublemakers are.

But miscreants who persist in making a nuisance of themselves won’t necessarily have to wait for the next Annual Cull to find out what goes on in the dank stygian depths of a Grumpy Grotto. Should they be foolish enough to ignore a friendly warning from their local Bobby, or evidence a lack of respect for the rights and freedoms of decent hardworking folk, immediate and privileged access to a Grumpy Grotto will be made available to them.

Safeguards will, of course, be in place to protect decent hardworking folk from being accidentally inconvenienced by overzealous Bobbies.